Before reading any of these reviews, please note the following.

SPOILERS

First and foremost: All these reviews contain spoilers. I'm interested in discussing the film as a unit, as it exists and as it is available for viewing. I'm not really interested in whetting (or dampening) your enthusiasm to see a particular work. I'm not the guy you read in the newspaper to decide if you want to make the effort to catch the 8:00pm showing, or rent the last copy at the video store. I'm (with any luck) the friend you meet in the coffee house afterwards, to talk about what you've seen. So: if you see a particular title you're interested in, and want to savor the full film experience, and watch it with innocent eyes (AKA no spoilers), then don't read anything here. Come back when you're done and see if you and I think the same things. If we do--great, if not—well, the web is a big place. Send me your URL.

REPUTATION

Secondly: I am discussing the film at hand—not its reputation, or the reputation of its cast or crew. I try my best to watch each and every movie in a completely objective way. Yes, such-and-such film is regarded as the worst of the year, or so-and-so is regarded as the greatest director of all time—it doesn't matter to me. I'm watching what's unspooling before me, with no preconceptions, no prejudices in the way. Yes, I have read some reviews, and I know what is thought about some of these works. Doesn't matter. Even if the actor, or screenwriter, or director personally insulted me, or the cannisters of 35mm fell on and injured a personal friend. I will do my best to allow no personal prejudices, or received wisdom, color what I write here.

TRUE AND FALSE PREDICTIONS

Third: A lot of these films are reviewed, essentially, in real-time. I didn't watch it, then sit down afterwards and write it down, I wrote it down while I was watching it. (Some here aren't reviewed that way.) I have seen a lot of movies, and know how they work for the most part. Like all of you, I can spot trends. When a character says, for example, “You mean this is the only radio?” I foresee that it will be broken somehow...and there will be a storm. And no one can get through this storm, so they're all on their own. Help may not arrive until..... Well, as you can see, I may start to speculate from that point about other possible plot points to come. You are free to ignore these, and to laugh in my face when I'm proven wrong. (I'll always admit it.) It's kind of like chess—if you play enough games, you begin to see where an opponent's opening move might lead, and you plan your own moves accordingly. So when he comes from left field and beats you, you're not only humbled, but can see the board in a new way. I love it when movies confound my expectations creatively. (Conversely, I hate it when they do it boringly. So-and-so is too obviously the killer, so where else should we look? Oh, it turns out so-and-so WAS the killer. Yawn. Could have used that screenwriting money, you lazy, noncreative bastiches. If I was rich screenwriter then I have less time to take you apart here.) Note to film-makers: don't do the same damn thing because it worked before in that big hit. (Film-makers note to me: ha ha ha.)

CREDIT WHERE IT'S DUE

Lastly, there are people who can write creatively for the screen. If they make the effort, more power to them and I am behind them all the way. But there are other “screenwriters” who do little more than recycle the genre's known greatest hits. “Screen-writer” is an easy credit, both publicly and behind-the-scenes. So if you see a credit for “cliche-wranglers” and nothing for writers, that's where that came from.

WRITING ASSISTANCE

There are times when I need a bit of help getting through some of these things and beer is a good friend who can always rouse flagging enthusiasm. You'll probably notice when he makes his appearance!

Corrections, suggestions and folded paper money: reviews_AT_beckoningchasm.com. Replace _AT_ with the "at" symbol. We reserve the right to publish any emails received, depending on the amount of folded paper money.

So: consider yourself warned. If you wish to plunge ahead, here you go:

Latest additions can be found here.

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June, 2004

ARACHNIA (2003) Starring: Rob Monkiewicz, Irene Joseph. Director and cliché-wrangler: Brett Piper.

ICE CRAWLERS (2002) Starring: Goetz Otto, David Millbern, Alexandra Kamp. Director: John Carl Buechler. Cliché-wranglers: Robert Boris, Dennis A. Pratt and Matthew Jason Walsh.