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Sinbad of the Seven Seas
Based on the story by Edgar Allan Poe.  Screen Story by Lewis Coats.  Screenplay by Tito Carpi and Enzo G. Castellari

The Heroes:
Sinbad
Prince Ali
The Viking
Cantu (the Chinese Soldier of Fortune)
Shiropolous (The Bald Cook)
Poochie the Dwarf

The Villains
Jafar
Sukra
Dorita, the Amazon Queen
The Ghost King
The Slime Monster
The Rock Man, The Legions of the Dead, The Ghostly Warriors, Zombies

The Palace:
The Caliph
Princess Alina
Captain Machine
The Chief Torturer
The Town Crier
Assored Guards , Merchants and Townspeople

Others
Kira
Nadir
The Oracle

The Real World
Mom, the Narrator
Jane, Mom’s Daughter

Credit Crawl: EDGAR ALLEN POE was born in 1809 and died in 1849; he is one of the most famous American writers.  Clever and dissolute, during his short but frenzied life he wrote some fifty stories which are now considered to be the forerunners of various literary trends such as thrillers, science fiction, and tales of horror.  But Poe also wrote strange fables and the best known of these is “THE THOUSAND AND SECOND TALE OF SCHEHERAZADE,” published in 1845 in a periodical called “LADY’S BOOK.”  In this story the writer invents new and even more extraordinary adventures for one of the most famous heroes of “The Arabian Nights”: Sinbad the Sailor.  And this is it…

[Opening Credits]

[We open in a little girl’s bedroom.  She is in bed, her mom sits on the side.]

Jane: I’m not sleepy.  Please tell me a story, Mommy. 

Narrator: All right, sweetie.  I’ll read you a story.  It’s a very strange story.  But you’ll have to promise me you’ll go to sleep afterward. 

Jane: I promise. 

Narrator: I hope you like it, Jane.  It’s an Arabian Nights tale, about a sailor named Sinbad.

Jane (in apparent disbelief): Sinbad?

Narrator: Yes.  It all happened many, many years ago, when our Earth was such a very little lonely grain of sand, lost in a myriad of stars.  It was in those early days of mankind that a great hero was born.  The bravest man ever born, and naturally, he was a prince.  The greatest prince of the seas. 

[We cut to Sinbad, on board his sailing ship, manning the rudder.  During this next narration, we cut to each character as Mom names him.]

Narrator: His name was Sinbad, conqueror of the seven oceans. And he had traveled so far, to the most strange and mysterious countries, together with his brave friends.  The young Ali, son of a great king.  The Viking warrior.  Poochie the dwarf.   The bald cook, and the Chinese soldier of fortune. 

[Cut to a typical Arabian Nights type city, with shots of various festive activities.]

Narrator: And now, our story begins as they were returning home, to their beautiful city of Basra.  The people of Basra were the happiest in all the world, because they were ruled by a kind and wise caliph, named Pahn. 

[The caliph is a short, stocky smiling man with a white beard.]

Narrator: The good caliph was loved by all the people in his happy country, all except a cunning and evil wizard named Jafar.

[Brief shot of Jafar, who has a dark beard, intense eyes and an evil expression.]

Jane: I hope there’s a princess, Mommy. 

Narrator: Oh yes.  Of course there was a princess, Jane.  What kind of fairy tale would it be without a princess?   She was a wonderful princess.  The loveliest and sweetest princess that ever lived; her name was Alina. 

[Brief shot of Alina, and a rose.]

Narrator: And she was fresh as the dew, and beautiful as a blushing rose.   But now the princess is sad and disheartened, because the hero whom she loves, hasn’t come back yet.   

Jane: Sinbad!

Narrator: No, not Sinbad, but someone who sails with Sinbad.

Jane: I know, Prince Ali! 

Narrator: Yes, the handsome Prince Ali will soon be united with his beloved Alina, once more. 

[More of the townspeople preparing celebrations.]

Narrator: The townspeople of Basra were preparing a great feast, to honor the return of their valiant hero, Sinbad.   They were also preparing a celebration, for the joyous marriage of noble Prince Ali to their own beloved Princess Alina. 

Meanwhile, high in the darkest corner of the royal palace, Jafar, the evil wizard, planned an end to the happy times of Basra forever. 

[Jafar is shown in his lair, which is a giant gyroscope-type structure suspended over a lava pit.]

Jafar: I, Jafar, your most devoted vassal, beseech that you grant this humble prayer.  The city of Basra, center of the universe, is a great, ripe plum, waiting to be plucked.  Grant that it is my hand that plucks it! 

Narrator: With that, dark clouds began to form in the skies over Basra; and the people, who had known nothing but sunshine all their happy lives, felt the first icy chill of Jafar’s cruel spell.

[General shots of the populace in consternation.  Back to Jafar]

Jafar: And thus, in your service, may I bring hate, war, poverty and pestilence to this rich and powerful realm; subjugate its people to oppression and torture; and thus, ensure, through terror and tyranny, that the kingdom of evil is born!

Narrator: The black winds of pure evil blew through the town, bringing with them destruction, and misery.   [People in panic, carts overturned, etc.] The people of Basra cried out in such pain and fear, that their cries rose to the very palace of the great caliph. 

[Caliph wanders through the palace rooms, bellowing for Jafar]

Caliph: Jafar!   Jafar!   Where is my vizier!   JAFAR!    [Jafar appears]  Oh, there you are.  What’s happening, Jafar?  My people are a happy people!   They love their neighbors.  Only an evil spell could have transformed them into beasts.  [He sits on his throne and thinks a moment or two.]  Huh.  Huh!  Go and fetch the sacred gems, and we’ll carry them in procession, and everything will be all right again!  Hah!

Jafar: The gems no longer exist.  [Pause]  You’ll give no more orders you silly old fool.

Caliph (caught short): Hgh!  Hp!  Guards! 

[Guards appear, but they immediately lower their weapons.]

Narrator: But it was too late.  Jafar’s power had grown too strong.  The sacred gems of Basra had been the source of the great caliph’s strength [Jafar’s eyes flash] and now, they belonged to Jafar. 

Caliph [falling under Jafar’s spell]: Ha ha ha.  Well done.  Ha ha ha.  Well done, my faithful vizier!  Ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha! 

[Jafar walks away to hide behind Captain Machine as Alina calls out]

Alina (offscreen): Father, what’s wrong?  The people are in a panic, the city’s in turmoil.  [She appears]  What’s going on?   Hey father, I’m talking to you.  Can’t you hear me? 

Caliph (trancelike): There are not problems for a pretty little head like yours.  You must think about how to make a man who loves you happy.

Alina (happily): Any news about Ali?  When is he going to be here?

Caliph (angrily): Ali  Ali.  Ali.  A fine one, Ali.  Always running around with that other good for nothing Sinbad the sailor! 

Alina: Running around?  But he’s coming her for our wedding!

Caliph: Now, that’s quite enough of this nonsense, daughter!  You must find a mature, sensible man.  A man with a head on his shoulders.  [Jafar strides into view]

Alina: And who may I ask might that be?

Caliph [pointing]: Him! 

Alina: Jafar?  Never!  I wouldn’t want him even if he were the only man on this Earth. 

Caliph: My dear Alina.  My darling little Alina.  Don’t you want to make your father happy?

Alina: Not under these conditions.  If you’ve been had by him, it’s your problem, not mine!  I’m in love with Ali.  And he’s the only one I want.  [she starts walking]  Father?  Guards! 

Jafar [seizing her wrist and looking quite pleased]: No…!  You’re to be MINE! 

Alina [as she is taken away]: How dare you!  Leave me alone!   Unhand me!

[Sinbad’s ship pulls up to the deserted dock.]

Narrator: The high towers and minarets of the fair city rose before them, as the mighty Sinbad, sailor of the seven seas, and his loyal companions, drew close to the coast of Basra.    But when they finally arrived at the dock, after being away for so very long, only an eerie silence greeted them.   What dreadful fate caused the entire city to look so deserted? 

Poochie: Here, give me a hand with this!

Sinbad: What a minute, wait a minute!  Where is everybody?  There’s nobody here.  

Poochie (after looking for himself): There’s nobody here. 

Sinbad: I just said that.  That’s the point!   I thought the whole town would turn out.  You know, there’s something here I don’t like. 

Bald Cook:  You want us to look around? 

Sinbad: No.  I’ll do that.  You stay here and guard the ship.

Bald Cook: Okay. 

[Sinbad walks through the palace corridors to the throne room]

Marrator: So Sinbad made his way to the palace to see his old and wise friend, the caliph. 

Sinbad: What’s going on here?  [Seems to catch himself; he does a little gesture]  Greetings, lord of the faithful.  I’ve returned to a town where the people have changed.  They’re unhappy.  Can you tell me what happened? 

[The caliph does not respond]

Sinbad: Caliph?  Caliph!  I’m talking to you!  Why don’t you talk to me?  Don’t you remember me? 

Narrator: But the kind old man’s mind was clouded by Jafar’s wicked spell. 

[Jafar appears]

Jafar: You’re wasting your breath on that tired old man. 

Sinbad (sneering): I should have known from the beginning, you were behind all this.  You can’t fool me any more with your dirty tricks! 

Jafar: Hm!  Guards! 

[Guards appear and Sinbad beats them up.  Then, turning to Jafar, he discards his sword to be fair.] 

Sinbad: Now it’s time to put you in your place! 

Jafar [putting a knife to the Caliph’s throat]: …Yes?   Ha!  The extraordinary powers that I possess make me top of the heap around here!  It’s me you’ve got to pay homage to, now!  [He gestures]  Step forward!  And kneel! [Pause]  I said, "Kneel!"  [He presses the blade closer]

Caliph: Hng!

Sinbad [kneeling]: You’ll pay for this, you filthy rat!

Jafar: Ha!  You’re so soft-hearted, Sinbad!  It’ll be your ruination!  [He pushes on a lever mounted on the throne, and Sinbad falls through a trap door.]

Sinbad [while scooting through the tunnel] Argh, argh oh argh! [he lands in the snakepit] Eh!  I’m gonna kill you, Jafar! 

Jane: And then? 

[We see Sinbad’s crew on the dock]

Narrator: Oh, sweetheart!  Sinbad had great brave friends, remember?  And when he did not return from the caliph’s palace after a long time, they became very worried.  And so they went ashore to search for him.  Cantu, the soldier of fortune, could sense the danger was very great, and very near.  For though the dock was completely deserted, the cook fires were still warm.  He warned the others that whatever terrible deed had befallen their true friend Sinbad, the entire town of Basra was in grave peril. 

[Bald Cook and Poochie are discussing what to do]

Bald Cook: I really wish I knew what was going on. 

Poochie: Let’s get out of here!

Bald Cook: Shaddap!  Let’s do this.  You go that way…I’ll go this way. 

Poochie: Huh hu hu…Alone?

Bald Cook: --And I am not alone? 

Poochie: Yes but you’re bigger!

Bald Cook: Sh! 

[Prince Ali enters the palace]

Narrator: When they came to the palace, the handsome and brave young Prince Ali, could no longer control his heart.  Fearing that some awful fate had come to his beloved Princess Alina, he rushed up the stairs and hoped that he was not too late.  [Ali runs down to the royal chamber] 

Ali: Alina!  Alina!

[Ali and Alina see each other]

Jane: Did they kiss?

Narrator: Not at first. 

Jane: Why not?

Narrator: They wanted to.  They had been apart for so very long.  But Alina was afraid.  She knew that Jafar would stop at nothing to get his way.  His power was so great, that he tuned her own father against her, and imprisoned the mighty Sinbad.  She was afraid to trust her heart, lest this might be some trick of the evil wizard.  But this was her Ali.  Her own dear, sweet Ali.  Surely, even the fiendish powers of Jafar could not turn him against her. 

[They almost kiss before Jafar’s silver fingernail comes between them.]

Alina: Gasp!

Jafar: Welcome, Prince!   GUARDS!

Ali: Alina!

Alina: My love!

Jafar: Take him away. 

Ali [as he is taken away]: Alina!

Alina: Ali!  Ali!  [After Ali is removed, she stands calmly for a moment.  Then she grabs her dagger and lunges at Jafar, who grabs her wrist as she strikes.  He doesn’t seem worried in the slightest.]

Alina: You won’t get away with this!

Jafar: You’re beautiful when you’re angry!  [He puts her knife back in her sheath.  Then, to the guards:]  Follow!

Alina [as Jafar drags her off]: Urg!  Let go!  No, no!

[Sinbad in the snake pit]

Narrator: The sounds of the princess’s heat breaking reached great Sinbad in his cell, and he knew he must think of a way to rescue her and her beloved Prince Ali.

Sinbad [to various assembled snakes]: I need your help.  C’mere.  Nervous, huh?  I know where you’re coming from.  People hating you and all that?  As far as I’m concerned, it all started with that story of Eve.  And when they want dirty work done, they really take advantage of you.  Like that evil, slimy wizard up there!  

[Jafar brings Alina to another part of his lair, where there is a magic viewing screen which we will call the Jafar-O-Scope]

Jafar: No one can resist my will!  And no one, not Prince Ali, not even his friend Sinbad, the man who I hate more than hate itself, will stand before me and my hearts’s desire! 

[Pause; Alina says nothing]

Jafar: HA!

Jafar [pointing to the Jafar-O-Scope]: Look. 

Alina: [Gasp.]

[We see some of Sinbad’s men at an outdoor café.  Soldiers approach]

Viking: Ha ha ha ha ha.  Fill it up again.  Ha ha ha ha ha!

Soldier: Hey you!  Jafar, vizier of the lord of the faithful, wants you all at once at the palace.  And as early as possible. 

Cantu: Can I stand you a drink?  I’m buying. 

Soldier: I said get moving, come on!   Move!

[He knocks away Cantu's cup.  The Viking and Cantu begin fighting the soldiers, making very short work of them.  Jafar and Alina both watch this.]

Viking [throughout]:  Ha!  Ha ha!  Ha ha!

Cantu [throughout]: Hai!  Hai!  Hai!

Alina (smugly): You see?  Where’s the power you pretend to have?  Your evil will can never touch Sinbad and Ali!

[Back to the snake pit]

Narrator: Even as the fair princess Alina spoke, the mighty Sinbad had discovered a way to enlist the aid of his friends, the snakes, to help him escape his tomb-like dungeon.

Sinbad: They say you have a terrible temper.  I’d like to see them living in the dark, crawling around all day.  Here, c’mere. (Insistent) C’mere.  (More insistent) Hey, be nice!  Attaboy.

[Cut to the torture dungeon, where we see Sinbad’s crew being led]

Narrator: Sinbad’s friends had fought bravely, against great odds, but now they faced terrible punishment in Jafar’s torture chamber.

Machine: These prisoners are very dear to our lord Jafar.  They need special treatment.  Very special treatment. 

Chief Torturer: A pleasure Captain Machine.  All right, take him, put him on the rack, now!  [Ali is put on the rack] Be sure to make him comfortable, he’ll be there for quite a stretch!  Ha ha ha!  Put slant eyes in the hot seat, and warm up the branding iron, so we can toast his ha ha ha ha heath!  [Cantu is strapped into a chair]  The bald one will do nicely for the piranhas, they don’t like hair, it sticks in their teeth!  Lift him up! [Bald Cook is put into a sort of basket, above a bubbling trough filled with piranhas]

Bald Cook [crying]:  But I have a beard!  Let me out of here!  [More crying, then we see the piranha puppets]. 

Jane: Will Sinbad save them, Mommy?

Narrator: Sh!  You must be patient and wait and see what Sinbad and his friends the snakes will do. 

[Down in the snake pit, Sinbad has tied the snakes into a rope.]

Sinbad: Hey don’t worry, I’m not going to hurt you.  [He throws the rope end up, then grunts as he climbs to the floor with the torture chamber]. 

Chief Torturer: What are you waiting for?  Lower him, lower him into the tank!  There’s nothing my babies enjoy more than Turkish delight! 

[There is a grate in the wall at one end of the Torture Chamber.  Sinbad climbs up to this and kicks in the barred window.]

Viking: Sinbad!

Bald Cook:  Ha ha, Sinbad! 

[Sinbad uses the grate to throw a miscreant into the piranha pool.  He throws his scabbard aside to be fair] 

Prince Ali:  Sinbad, ha!

[Sinbad makes short work of the torture chamber workers, and turns to the dungeon master.  He wags his finger.]

Sinbad: Come on!

Prince Ali: Yes!

[Sinbad throws the dungeon master into an iron maiden.  We then cut to watch Poochie wandering around the palace grounds.]

Narrator: While Sinbad was rescuing his friends, Poochie the dwarf decided to look for Alina in the palace. 

[We see Alina, in Jafar’s lair, now placed into a table which has transparent tubes all around it.  Colored fluids move through these tubes]

Narrator: The wicked Jafar, wizard of Basra, used his evil powers to fashion a terrible machine, that would weaken the fair Alina’s will, and allow him to control her mind.  For Jafar could never be content to merely possess the beautiful Alina, princess of all that is good, unless she would also give him her heart.

Jafar: I intend…to become master of Alina’s mind and body.  Because only then will all five sacred gems simply melt away.  Leaving me Lord of the World! 

Narrator: After searching the entire palace, little Poochie discovered Jafar’s lair, in the highest tower.  And so only he knew of the wizard’s evil plan, to rob the princess of her goodness, and control the powerful magic of the town’s sacred gems, for his own terrible purposes.   As long as Alina withstood Jafar’s machine [we see Jafar gesturing and stuff] and held on to her goodness, he could not destroy the gems.  Instead, he used his power to banish them from the town.  [Jafar gestures at the gems, and four of them disappear from their holder; colored sparkly lights fly through stock footage.]

Narrator: The wicked wizard of Basra cast his spell on the gems, that had brought peace, happiness, and prosperity to the town, for as long as time could remember.  Four of these he sent to the darkest, most evil places on Earth, where even the powerful Sinbad might fear to go and retrieve them. 

Narrator: [As Poochie talks to the others] Little Poochie ran to find Sinbad, and tell him everything he had seen.  How the sacred gems of Basra must be recovered within seven moons, or all that is good and pure about their beloved city, including Alina, would be lost to the hideous, evil Jafar

[Sinbad’s ship is back at sea]

Narrator: And so, Sinbad and his brave friends left the great city, and set out once more on a long and dangerous journey.

Jane: But, Mommy, where are the sacred gems?

Narrator: Sinbad didn’t know. 

Jane: But Mommy--!

Narrator: Now, you must be patient sweetie.  Sinbad had heard of a great oracle, who lived in a faraway land, across many seas.

Jane: What’s an oracle?

Narrator: A wise man, who knows many things.  It was here that Sinbad sailed, in hopes of discovering where Jafar had hidden the sacred gems.

[Back to Jafar]

Narrator: When Jafar learned that Sinbad had escaped his dungeon, and set sail with his men to find the sacred gems of Basra, he called forth the black source of his evil strength, and prayed to the lord of the underworld. 

Jafar: Oh illustrious prince of darkness, do not forsake me.  Grant me the power to crush him forever.

[Sinbad’s ship is suddenly plunged into darkness]

Narrator: And a terrible cloud covered the sun and blackened the skies over Sinbad’s ship.  Turning the day into night.  And out of that awful darkness rose up the legions of Death! 

Bald Cook:  Whaaaaaaaaaaa!

[People with rubber skull masks and cloaks appear on the ship.]

Narrator: The brave crew of he mighty Sinbad prepared to battle for their very souls. 

[The crew ready for battle, facing the ghouls, until Sinbad comes out of his cabin, sees what's going on, and sneers.  He shoots an arrow into one ghoul’s shoulder, and the fight begins.]

Offscreen crew member:  Sinbad, look out!

[Sinbad and his men then beat the ghouls pretty easily.  Sinbad pulls out the heart of the chief ghoul, which is a pulsating balloon with a little ghoul face on it] 

Sinbad [sneering]: Now, disappear, go back where you came from, you evil, filthy spirit. 

[He smushes it and everything is just as it was.  The sun is out and all the ghouls have vanished  A quick shot of Jafar shows him nonplussed.]

Poochie [emerging on deck, apparently unaware of the battle]:  Dinners’ ready.  Hey, what’s with you guys.  You look like a…a bunch of weirdoes!  [Sinbad picks him up and puts him on a bench] Hey!

Sinbad: You missed one hell of a party!

Poochie: Darn!

Sinbad: But thank God for that!

Poochie: Huh?

Sinbad [rubs his stomach]: Well…I’m hungry.  Let’s eat!

Narrator: They sailed for many more days, coming finally to a land where the great and wise oracle appeared to them. 

[The oracle is a guy in a stiff mask, in heavily processed footage.]

Oracle: One sacred gem will be found on the island of the warrior women, worn round the neck of the enchanted Amazon queen, whose charm, no man can resist.  Two more are on the Isle of the Dead; one is hidden inside the ungodly form of the ghost king, and the other is guarded by a horrible and foul beast.  To find the fourth sacred gem of Basra, follow the first swallow that you see, and it will lead you to a place of great peril, where you must begin your quest alone, Sinbad. 

[Sinbad swimming]

Narrator: Sinbad had to swim many leagues to the rocky shore where no ship could land.  The strange and barren place described by the oracle: Skull Island.  [We see Skull Island.  Unsurprisingly, it is an island that looks like a skull.  We then see Sinbad wandering in a cave.]

Narrator: And there, courageous Sinbad, who knew no fear, [quick shot of a sacred gem, flashing blue light] went alone to face unknown dangers.  Deep within the caves of Skull Island, he soon found what he was looking for.  The first sacred Gem of Basra.   [Pleased, he goes to poke at it with his sword.]

Jane: And now Sinbad can save the princess Alina! 

Narrator: Ha ha, things are not always so simple in fairy tales.  Sinbad did not know there was more danger [the gem suddenly sparks orange] than there first appeared.

[A monster made of boulders suddenly sits up.  The gem is on his forehead.  He attacks Sinbad.]

Rock monster: Rrrrrr!  (repeated line).

[Sinbad strikes the creature with his sword, breaking the blade.  The creature lumbers at Sinbad and strikes at him, but misses and hits the wall, breaking off pieces of itself.  Sinbad backs away, then Sinbad pushes on the creature’s head until it falls off.  Sinbad plucks the gem from the fallen head and pockets it.]

Narrator: As he held the first of the precious gems that would save the city of Basra, a great feeling of joy came to Sinbad’s heart.  But what perilous battles lie ahead before Sinbad will retrieve the three remaining gems.

[The creature staggers around, headless and gemless, and Sinbad picks up the head and throws it at the creature, which shatters.]

[Back on board the boat, Poochie is goggling at the gem.]

Poochie:  Wow! 

Sinbad:  Boy, that was a close call!

Viking: Ha ha ha, ya!

Ali:  Where could they have taken her?

Bald Cook (philosophical):  Who knows?

Cantu: What if it’s another place like this last one? 

Ali:  What do you mean?

Cantu:  I wouldn’t count on the same kind of luck a second time.  Confucius say, luck is like a crystal glass.  Though it sparkles, it’s fragile.

Ali:  And, so?

Cantu:  And, so, uh, let’s not rush into anything. 

Ali:  Are you speaking about Alina?

Cantu (headedly): No!  It’s you who always speaks about Alina!  I must--

Sinbad:  Relax, relax.  We still have to find the other gems.  Remember, every gem we get back makes us stronger, and Jafar weaker. 

Viking:  Very good.  But where do we find them?

Poochie:  Hold everything!  I got it, I got it!  I was thinking--

Sinbad:  That’s unusual.  [pause] By the way, what were you thinking?

Poochie:  …I forgot!

Sinbad:  Anyway, Jaffar must have found himself some other allies than Sukra.    But who?  [Ed's note: Sukra has not yet been introduced.]

Ali:  I can offer a list of possibilities…

Sinbad:  So could I.

Viking:  Sinbad, you choose one, we go look!

Sinbad:  Well, we could pay a visit to the enchanted isle of the Amazons.   Which is where the oracle said we would find the second gem. 

[They anchor the boat off the shore of said island]

Cantu:  Do you believe those stories we’ve heard about the queen?

Viking [shaking his head]:  Naaah! 

Ali: Are we ready?

Viking:  Yah! 

Ali:  Strange.  I have a feeling.  Something tells me Alina’s not been brought to this island. 

Sinbad:  If she isn’t here we’ll keep looking until we find her.  What’s important is that Jafar must never destroy your love.

Ali:  Thank you, my friend.  He’ll never do that!

Sinbad [calling]:  Shiropolis!  Poochie!  Hey, Greek!  Poochie!

[Bald Cook and Poochie appear on deck]

Bald Cook:  Did you call us, Sinbad?

Sinbad:  I sure did!  Listen, we’re going ashore…I mean, the four of us.  Well, you two stay here and keep guard.  I want to warn you all that this is a big risk.  The Amazon queen is a mind vampire, and she can suck any man’s will away—if you’re not careful.  Even the Viking’s! 

Viking:  Ha ha ha ha!

[Sinbad pulls Bald Cook aside]

Sinbad:  Listen.  If we’re not back in three hours time, then you and Poochie come and look for us.  If we fall under her spell, you can free us. 

Bald Cook:  How do we do that?

Sinbad:  How do I know?  There’s gotta be something in the medical kit.  For example, uh, the ointment we bought from the magician in Egypt. 

Bald:  Ooo yes, of course!   There is also the rheumatism potion I made, that even took the rust off the helm’s hinges!   And then there is the powder. 

Sinbad:  Yeah, bring the whole lot. 

[Sinbad, Cantu, Ali and Viking are walking through the forest]

Narrator: The island of the Amazons was a place of lush forests and great beauty.  Though the oracle had warned them, they could not believe that such beauty could conceal such danger. 

[The Viking sees a woman doing backflips in the distance.]

Narrator: The first to discover the truth of the oracle’s warning was the Viking. 

[He breaks from the group to watch the gymnastics.  She leaps on him and pins him to the ground, then puts a knife at his throat.]

Narrator: Then, young prince Ali.  [He gets a blowgun dart in the butt.]

Ali:  Ooh!  [He staggers and various Amazons collect him.]

Narrator: Evan Cantu, who was wise in the ways of deception…. [He is caught in a foot snare and hung upside down.]

Cantu [after yelling a great deal, he sees he is surrounded by armed beauties; he smiles]:  Confucius say, when the world is upside down, chin up!

[Sinbad sees the enchanted queen, posing.]

Narrator: And finally Sinbad, whose heart was pure, encountered the siren beauty of the Amazon queen.  [Sinbad is quickly enchanted.]  Even the great Sinbad was no match for her magical charms.   And she began to weave her enchanted web around his will.  As she had with so many brave men before, the beautiful queen caused Sinbad to forget the oracle’s warning.    She danced and spun round and round the mighty Sinbad.   The great sailor fell into a trance.  A waking dream, in which he forgot all about the danger to his loyal crew.   He forgot the purpose of their journey, to find the sacred gems and save Princess Alina and their home, beautiful Basra.  Only he and the ebony beauty before him existed in a state of sheer bliss. 

[As they kiss, we cut to Jafar’s lair.  Enter heavy metal babe Sukra.  She is a bleached blonde body-builder type with a heavy New Jersey accent and a rather revealing leather wardrobe]

Narrator: And if things were not bleak enough for noble Sinbad, Jafar was joined by another sinister ally, skilled in the arts of black magic.  A wicked sorceress named Sukra.

Sukra (sarcastically, about the device that holds Alina):  So this is your famous brain-washing machine?

Jafar (gestures at the machine):  [Sounds like “Rasheed” but could be “Machine”], do your stuff!  [Nothing happens]

Sukra:  Brainwash, or no brainwash, with Ali still around, you’re never gonna get control of her. 

Jafar:  I know that!  I sometimes wonder whose side you’re on. 

Sukra:  I’m on my side.  I’m always on my side. 

Jafar:  Beware of your ambition, Sukra.  You must be second to someone, why not me?

Sukra:  Have you taken your medication this morning?

Jafar:  Hargh!  Can puppy love for Price Ali be feeding such fierce resistance?    Her love for anyone but me must be suffocated.  [He gestures.]  Ooh, most powerful lord of darkness—[cut to Sinbad and Queen laughing it up.]

[Queen and Sinbad stroll pass each of his crew, who are trussed up in wooden frames, and the men fall under the spell of the Amazons in turn.] 

Narrator: And Jafar’s diabolic prayers were answered, for the mighty Sinbad had fallen to the seductress’s charms, and he did not recognize the dire peril to himself, and his brave companions.   One by one, they called out to their great leader for help.  But so much in the enchantresses’ spell was the valiant Sinbad, that all he could see was the magical beauty of this goddess queen, of the Amazon warriors. 

Queen:  Come along, my dear, why don’t we relax for a while.

[Back on ship, Bald Cook is looking over and assembling the medical kit.]

Bald Cook:  Okay, Poochie!  Time’s up!  Let’s go and look for them!

Poochie [from inside]:  Are you sure that’s a good idea, I’m scared to death!

Bald Cook:  Hey, do you think I’m not scared too?  [He holds his arms out in a sort of "Oh, what problems I got" stance.]  Heh heh heh.  We’ve got the help them if they’re in trouble.  So, let’s go!

[Poochie appears from the cabin wearing an inner tube.  He makes ready to go ashore.]

Bald Cook:  Poochie! 

Poochie [after looking over the side of the boat, he turns to Bald Cook]:  Okay, but you first!

[On the island, the Amazons are playing conga drums.]

Narrator: While the dwarf and the cook sought to rescue their comrades, the Amazon queen’s hold on Sinbad, and his shipmates, grew ever more powerful. 

[The Amazon queen dances in front of each of the crew until his head drops in slumber.  Jafar watches this on the Jafar-o-scope.] 

Narrator: Beautiful princess Alina fell ever deeper into despair as she watched each of Sinbad’s crew succumb to the evil charms of the Amazon enchantress. 

Alina: Ali.

[We see the queen dance in front Ali; he resists.]

Narrator: Finally, her beloved Ali stood alone against the wickedness of the queen’s beauty. 

Alina:  Ali, honey, please, don’t give in.  [Ali collapses into sleep].  Don’t give in!  Ah.

Ali [in voiceover]:  I won’t.

Jafar:  Magnificent, Alina!   My beautiful black pawn!  I’m WINNING! 

Sukra [grabbing his wrist]:  Remember what your heart is made of, Jafar!  You could crack that fingernail.

Jafar [dismissing this notion]: Chah! 

[Poochie crawls through the brush.] 

Narrator: With bravery many times his size, Poochie searched hard for his friend, and brave leader, Sinbad.  When he finally found him, he feared he was too late, for Sinbad was wrapped in the arms of temptation herself.

Sinbad: Gosh, you’re sure beautiful.

[Poochie climbs a tree over Sinbad.] 

Narrator: The clever dwarf took the powerful potion that the cook had given him and prayed that it was strong enough to uncloud Sinbad’s mind. 

[He pours some glowing fluid or powder on Sinbad’s back.  Sinbad looks mildly put off, glances up and Poochie waggles his fingers at him.  Then Sinbad looks like he remembers something.]

Queen:  What’s wrong, Sinbad? 

[Sinbad smiles and suddenly rips away the sacred gem the queen has as a necklace. ]

Queen:  [Gasps.]

Sinbad (sneering):  You chose the wrong side, Dorita!  Just think, we could have had a lot of fun together.

[Queen is now transformed into an old woman.  She screams.  Sinbad looks mildly revulsed.]

Jafar:  NO-O-O-O!  He’s got the second gem! 

[Alina looks pleased.]

Jafar:  NO-O-O-O!  I gave her youth and beauty!  And she’s let them all off with their lives!  She disobeyed me!  But she’s got what she deserves, the old hag! 

Sinbad [directly into the Jafar-o-scope somehow]:  Jafar!  That’s two down, and three to go!

Jafar [inhales with panic and recoils from the Jafar-o-scope]:  I can trust no one, let alone a WOMAN!

Sukra:  No, Jafar, I’m different, and you know it!  With me, you are invincible! 

Jafar (snarling):  I don’t need you, Sukra!!

[Sinbad’s ship on the open sea.]

Narrator:  Sinbad’s men knew they had escaped great danger.  And yet… they were sad to depart this enchanted island.

Viking:  What are you thinking?

Cantu:  About the island of charms? 

Viking:  Uh huh.

Cantu:  I don’t remember a thing, but, uh…[he sniffs] from the perfume, I have a feeling that it must have been…somewhat pleasant.

Viking:  Me too.

Jafar [to a full length mirror in his chamber]:  In the name, of all that is evil, I call upon the winds of utter destruction! 

Narrator:  The terrible power of Jafar, satanic sorcerer of Basra, blew with such fury that even Sinbad, the greatest sailor of all the seas, could not prevail.  His ship was cast on the dark shores of the Isle of the Dead.  From which no earthly being had ever escaped alive. 

[The ship is suddenly aground and the crew tumbled about on deck.  But they arise to face whatever new danger is at hand, even Poochie.  On this new land are are castle-like structures, strewn with cobwebs and skulls, and the remnants of medieval weapons and armor.  Sinbad and crew look upon these things with trepidation.]

Narrator:  All around the ship, the fallen warriors lay.  Once brave men, from another time, another land, whose souls had been brought to this terrible place, to do the bidding of evil.

[We get an impressive pan of medieval stuff, including a chandalier oh and weapons and armor too.]

Narrator:  Their earthly remains had turned to dust, but their valiant spirits had been taken from them to await this dreadful moment. 

[On board the ship, the camera pans as Poochie walks along the deck before the crew.]

Poochie:  Wow!  What is it this time!

Bald Cook:  Whatever it is, Poochie, it means trouble!

Poochie:  You’re right!

Viking:  I wonder where we are now?

Cantu:  It looks like the afterworld, Viking.  Maybe we are even dead!

Poochie:  [Gasp!]

Ali:  Better dead than [to] never see Alina again. 

Sinbad (calmly):  You’ll see her again, prince.  We’re not dead.  This is just another one of Jafar’s tricks.  But now we have two gems we can use to fight him. 

Narrator:  The Ghost warriors must now obey their satanic destiny, and do battle with the great and mighty Sinbad. 

[Suits of armor arise from the gravel, and ghost horses in armor as well.  They grab their weapons and prepare for battle.  Soon they appear on the castle battlements where they are seen by the crew.  The horses are excellent actors here.  There is a momentary feeling of unease among the crew when the armored dead appear on the actual ship itself.]

Viking:  Huoh! 

Sinbad: [under his breath] Damn it! [to the crew]  Get ‘em!  [to Poochie] Poochie, get my sword, quick! 

Poochie:  Yes! [he returns with the sword] Here! 

Sinbad:  You two [to Bald Cook and Poochie], take cover!

Poochie: Okay!

[Bald Cook looks very happy to be shut in with Poochie away from the violence about to reign.  Just saying.]

[One of the dead knights shoots an arrow at Sinbad, another tosses an axe.  Both miss by wide margins on either side of him.   Sinbad tosses a sword and "kills" one of the knights.  The fighting commences on all sides.  Cantu discovers that crushing the armor destroys the warrior.  The others make this discovery as well.]

[Two warriors on horseback pursue Sinbad, who is somehow not on the boat any more.]

Narrator:  On ghostly steeds came the warriors of the dead king.  Wielding ungodly steel against mortal flesh.  And brave Sinbad matched his heroic strength against the power of supernatural evil.

[Viking discovers that it’s not just crushing the armor, you have to dent the chest to kill the ghost warriors.]

[Prince Ali fights, and Sinbad forces one of the horses down, whereupon the rider is flung off and crashes into dead armor.  Cantu and Ali discover that removing the helmet also kills these specters.]

[One warrior uses a whip on Sinbad, who uses the whip in turn to crash the warrior into nothing.  Good job.]

Viking:  Ya ha!  Ho ho!  [He tosses a warrior over the ship, then throws his mace down and jumps after to follow.  The crew and Sinbad make short work of these warriors.]

Narrator:  The army of ghost warriors was nearly defeated.  But Jafar has a plan to rob brave Sinbad of one of his greatest strengths.  His loyal companions. 

[Magic happens.  Suddenly Sinbad’s boat is out on the open ocean again.]

Narrator:  The wizard’s evil magic cast them far out to sea. 

Bald Cook (overjoyed):  Look!  It’s magic!

Poochie (equally joyous):  Ha ha ha ha!

Bald Cook:  It’s incredible! 

Poochie:  We’re back at sea again!  Ha ha ha ha!

[Cut to Sinbad walking through some desolate corridors.]

Jane:  But what about Sinbad, mommy?

Narrator:  Poor Sinbad was left alone on the Isle of the Dead, with no means to escape.  And he had yet to confront the ghost king. 

Jane:  I’m scared. 

Narrator:  Sh!  It’s all right, Jane.  [Sinbad comes across another suit of armor, seated in the cave.] At first, the king did not move.  But the power of Jafar’s wizardry was still great.  [Jafar shoots rays of light from his eyes, and they beam life into the ghost king’s eyes.  Sinbad looks kind of worried, and he kneels before the ghost king.]

Narrator:  As the ghostly king came to life, Sinbad felt himself weakening.  He did not think he would have the strength to defend himself against the unearthly sword of the ghost king.

[The ghost king strikes with his sword, but Sinbad grabs the blade before it can strike.  The music becomes triumphant.]

[Jafar staggers about his lair upset.]

[Sinbad turns the sword against the ghost king and crashes in his chest.  Out rolls the third gem, and Sinbad grabs it.]

Sinbad:  You’re losing your power, Jafar.  [long pause]  And you know that.

[Sinbad’s ship at sea.]

Narrator:  Without their valiant leader, Sinbad’s men had barely the heart to continue the journey.  But Poochie, the loyal, little dwarf, said they must, or they would bring shame upon themselves and their noble Sinbad.  

[Cut to Sinbad sleeping by a tree in a grotto.]

Narrator:  And without his men, Sinbad knew he would pass the rest of his days on the Isle of the Dead, completely alone.  [Enter Kira, a perky redhead.]  Or so he thought. 

Sinbad [waking up]: Hi!

Kira (smiling):  Daddy?  [Sinbad looks nonplussed.]

[A goofy looking wizard type appears and speaks nonsense words.   “Treemoon sel kira” is an example.   Kira moves her hands over Sinbad’s pecs.  Sinbad is appreciative. Wizard, whose name is Nadir, keeps spooling.] 

Kira (admiringly):  You’re right.  Just imagine if they see him!  Some meat! 

Sinbad (puzzled):  "Meat?"  Who’s gonna eat meat?

Nadir (impatiently):  Kira!  Kira!  [nonsense words]!

Kira:  C’mon, let’s go.

Sinbad:  Okay.

Narrator: While Sinbad’s men searched for their leader [brief shot of the Sinbad ship at sea], Kira and her father took noble Sinbad to a secret part of the island [brief shot of a very pretty looking lakeshore]. 

[Nadir is cooking, and he flings something at Sinad to let him know he is cooking good stuff.  He smacks his fingers and says “Is good, is good!” along with various nonsense.]

Sinbad [to Kira]:  What does he want?

Kira:  He’s preparing a fish couscous which he says is finger licking good.  [Louder]  Although he’s an incredibly good cook, he is actually, Nadir, the famous wizard!

Sinbad:  Ah ha! [Offscreen, he applauds.]

Kira:  He’s been a member of the Baghdad fraternity since ’82. 

Sinbad:  Hm.

[Nadir gestures at a stove and conjures up a fire; this startles him but he recovers quickly.] 

Sinbad [to Kira]:  Baghdad, huh?  So you’re not from here?

Kira:  We came here in a flying machine, daddy invented it.  But with the first gust of wind, down we came.  And since then, we’ve been living hidden in here…because those monsters eat anything they come across.

Sinbad:  Really?

Kira:  By the way, are you hungry?

Sinbad:  Oh yes, sure.

[Nadir serves them.]

Sinbad:  Thank you.

Kira:  You should see them.  They’re slimy, and squishy, and all full of sores--

[Nadir loses his appetite; he cannot eat with this talk.]

Kira:  --and they smell real bad.  Makes you sick just to see them.  

Sinbad:  Hm.  So you’re the only two people living here. 

Kira:  Yes.  The surviving inhabitants ran away.  To think it was such a beautiful place.  It used to be fabulous living here, until Jafar—the most evil wizard of all—you know him, doncha?

Sinbad:  Oh yes, I sure do. 

Kira:  He came to the island, and he hid something.  Leaving those monsters to guard it.   That’s when all this trouble began.  Now, you’ll straighten things up, won’t you?

Sinbad:  Don’t you worry.  I’ll give it a shot.

[Sinbad's ship framed by the setting sun.]

Jane: Will Sinbad’s friends ever find him?

Narrator:  I don’t know.  I only know that they continued to search wherever the wind would take them.  [Various shots of the crew doing their shipboard jobs.]  Working the ship like the true sailors they were, confident that their leader would one day return.

[Back at the Nadir home on the Isle of the Dead, Nadir is clearly upset.]

Nadir:  No!  No, Kira, no [gibberish], dangerous!

Kira [to Sinbad, while putting a robe on him]:  With this it’s safer.

Nadir (close to sobbing): Dangerous!

Kira:  Daddy, I know it’s dangerous, but with Sinbad I, I can face anything.

Sinbad [to Kira]:  Okay.  Show me the way.

Kira [kissing Nadir]: Don’t worry.  [She walks on, and Sinbad comes up to Nadir.]

Nadir:  [weepy gibberish]

[Sinbad comes up to Nadir, and after staring at him for a moment, unleashes his own volley of rapid high-pitched gibberish.  He then leaves with Kira.  Nadir, startled, is left nonplussed for a moment.]

Nadir (disbelieving): …to ME?  Oh!

[Kira and Sinbad are walking through the ruins]

Narrator:  The oracle had foretold the fourth and last sacred gem of Basra was hidden in the body of a foul and horrible beast.

[There are ghouls watching our heroes.  They look like lepers.] 

Narrator:  And that is where Kira now took Sinbad. 

[The ghouls blow through old jugs to signal one another to amass for an attack  Suddenly Sinbad notices the various ghouls and gently pushes Kira to safety.  One ghoul jumps toward them with an axe.]

Ghoul:  Hueeuuuhh!

[The fight begins; soon, Sinbad is using one of the ghouls like a club.  Kira makes a good showing of herself as well.  But finally too many of them jump her, and she’s carried off.]

Kira:  Sinbad!

[More ghouls attack Sinbad, using the wrap-a-cloak around him move.  This fails, and Sinbad beats them up.  He then dusts off his cloak.]

Sinbad:  Hm.

Kira [in the distance]:  Sinbad!

Sinbad:  Kira!  [He runs off to rescue her.]

[Sukra, Jafar and Machine (in the background) are watching on the Jafar-o-scope.]

Sukra:  Good work, Jafar.  This time you’ve triumphed.   And Sinbad is heading for the tunnel.

Jafar:  Of course.  Just as planned.  It’s a trap.

Sukra:  Trap?

Jafar:  Yes, my dear Sukra, he’s heading straight for the Cavern of Nothingness.  Ho ho ho!  What a meal for the Lord of Darkness! 

Sukra:  I’m not so sure.  Especially since he has made pulp of everyone we’ve set against him.

Jafar [losing his patience]: Sukra, there are times when you do the most dreadful things to my biorhythm.  Again I ask, whose side are you on?

Sukra [slowly and patiently]: The one who wins.

Jafar [chuckles, then looks worried.]

[Back on the isle of the dead, the ghouls have tied Kira to the wall in some dingy, cobweb-filled room.]

Kira:  Sinbad!

[There is a huge amount of foam in the foreground.  As the ghouls attempt to make the knots tighter, she kicks them away.  But more ghouls appear.]

Kira:  SINBAD!!

[Sinbad is searching for her outside.  He finds where she’s trapped.]

Sinbad: Kira! 

[Ghouls attack him, he beats them up, he tears off one ghoul’s arm and shows it to him before tossing him away.  It’s a pretty one-sided fight.  Kira provides running infield chatter.]

Kira:  Yay!   Push ‘em away!  Push ‘em away!  Come on!  Yeah, that’s right, that’s right!  Yay!!

[The last ghoul is defeated.]

Sinbad [approaching Kira]:  You call me?

Kira:  Yes.

[Suddenly, a bolt of fire shoots out and strikes in front of Sinbad.]

Kira:  Ohhh!

Narrator:  And now the mighty Sinbad had to face his greatest challenge, the awful monster prophesized by the oracle.  For unless Sinbad could win back the fourth sacred gem, the wicked Jafar, wizard of all that is evil, would prevail.  Princess Alina and the beautiful city of Basra would be lost forever.

[During the above, we see the monster.  He looks like a million boogers shaped into the form of a man with a big beer gut.  The monster shoots lasers from his hands, but he cannot hit the broad side of a barn.  Sinbad doesn’t seem to be afraid.  He walks nearer, picking up a spear, which he thrusts into the monster.  This doesn’t harm the creature, but the spear bursts into flame.  This worries Sinbad.]

[The monster somehow manages to shoot Sinbad in the wrist, then he causes some of the building to fall on Sinbad, pinning him down.]

Sinbad:  Ahhhh!

[Sinbad struggles in his sack to pull out his gems.  The monster approaches.]

Narrator:  Sinbad had three of the sacred gems of Basra.  [The monster shoots, and the gems go flying out of Sinbad’s hand.]  He could only hope that their strength was powerful enough to help him defeat this foul monster that shot bolts of fire.

[Sinbad frees himself from beneath the column.  The monster shoots, and manages to burn through one of Kira’s ropes, freeing her.]

Kira:  Ahh!

[She quickly unties the rest of the ropes.  Way to go, there, monster.]

[Sinbad uses the column to collapse more of the building.  The dust seems to confuse the creature.  Sinbad rolls to get the gems. Kira grabs one.]

Kira:  Sinbad! 

[She tosses the gem to him, he catches it.   Holding the gems up, they shoot lasers of their own at the monster, which causes him to deflate like a snot bubble.  He bounces as he collapses.]

[Sinbad fires one more beam at the throne where the monster was originally sitting.  The top falls off, revealing the final sacred gem.  Sinbad looks pretty pleased.   He turns to the “camera” and points.]

Sinbad:  Now, Jafar.  You’re next!

Jafar [after staggering away from the Jafar-o-scope] [huge gasp]  I’m losing my strength! [more gasping and groaning]

[Back on the island, Nadir is attempting to make a hot air balloon.  Kira is preparing some stuff for Sinbad’s wounds.]

Kira:  This magic ointment is made from desert cactus.  It’s one of my father’s successful experiments.  [She rubs it on his shoulders.]  As you can see, it works miracles.   

Sinbad [shouting]:  Nadir!  Do something!  The evil spell is over.  We won!  [To Kira]  Your father should be back to normal by now. 

Kira:  Normal?  Oh, you’re talking about his so-called magic powers….

Nadir [struggling with the balloon and gesturing over it].  Uh!  Strikamani, strikapayi, and big, big fly!

Kira:  He says, ‘Strikamani, strikapi, catch the wind and fly!’  [Nadir continues to gesture over the balloons to no effect.]

Sinbad [taps Nadir on the shoulder]:  No dice, huh?  So what’s the problem?

Nadir:  Huh!  Problem!  Huh!  [gibberish, then makes puffing noises].

Kira:  He says the bags have to be filled with hot air first, and then [makes balloon ascending noise], away we go!

Sinbad:  I’m no magician.  But I think a nice twig fire would do the job.

Nadir:  [gibberish]

Kira:  He says, right, how stupid of him, twig fires happen to be his speciality! 

Nadir:  [gibberish and gesturing]

Sinbad:  Okay, Nadir, okay.  I got the message.  You want hot air?  Here’s your hot air. 

Nadir:  [brief gibberish]

[Sinbad goes off to inflate the balloons with his lungs.]

Narrator:  And so Sinbad filled his powerful lungs, and inflated the great balloons of Nadir’s flying machine.  A wondrous sight that would bring joy to all, [cut to Jafar] but the wicked Jafar. 

Jafar [looking in the mirror]:  Oh!   Sukra!  I’m not well!   But all I need is time!  My brain-washing machine has never failed me before!  So, with its help, I’ll break her resistance yet!  Huh!

Sukra [sarcastic again]:  Why don’t you just give up! 

Jafar [angry]:  Huh!  May I remind you, that your lot is tied to mine!  My defeat would be yours as well! 

Sukra [resigned]:  Yes, but I fear if Sinbad should get here, he’ll make this your tomb.

Jafar [deflated]:  Uh!

Sukra [with some enthusiasm]:  So.  Give me your soldiers.  And put me in command!

Jafar [with more enthusiasm]:  No need for that!  Hm!  No need at all!  When I have mastered Alina, why, the power of the sacred gems will simply melt away! [giggling]

Sukra [with resignation and a bit of depression]:  There you go again, basking in your bubbles of fiction.  I’ll keep my faith in my sword, thank you.  And besides.  The young prince and I have a duel to finish. 

Jafar:  Oh, you’re so competitive!  Heh heh!   Not happy until you’ve found out which of the two is stronger!  HA!

[The flying machine over the water.  It's basically a balloon with a basket beneath for passengers.]

Nadir: [Gasps.]

Sinbad [ticked off]:  You call this a flying machine?  It looks like balloons!  And it’s losing altitude! 

Nadir: [gibberish]

Kira:  He says to throw down everything and anything that is not indispensable. 

Sinbad:  Indispensable you say?  I see.  [He grabs Nadir.]

Nadir:  Oh no no no no no no no!  [gibberish] [He begins throwing things overboard, and everyone follows suit.]

[Nadir continues to spout gibberish while Sinbad reinflates the balloons.  Then Nadir begins laughing, and spouts some more gibberish.]

Kira:  He says to continue, we’ll make it!

Sinbad:  Really, it means we’re almost there.  [He gives Nadir a significant glance.]  And it better be damn close! 

Narrator:  Finally, on the horizon, Sinbad spotted what he had longed to find.  [We see an aerial shot of Sinbad’s ship.] 

Sinbad:  Hey, there’s my ship!  My friends!

Ali:  Sinbad.  Sinbad!  It’s Sinbad, he’s alive! 

Crew:  Sinbad!  He’s alive!  Etc.

Sinbad:  I’m baaaack! 

[Joyous pandemonium on deck.  Cantu and the Viking dance.]

Nadir:  Jafar!  [determined gibberish]

Sinbad [to Kira]:  What did he say?

Kira:  He said, here I come Jafar, and I’ll make sure that your name is cancelled from the list of accredited magicians!

Sinbad [to Nadir]:  You’re absolutely right. 

Nadir:  Right!  Ha ha!  [gibberish]

Narrator:  With the help of Nadir, the good wizard, and his daughter Kira, Sinbad rejoined his brave friends, and returned to Basra, where time was running out.  [Shot of an hourglass.]

Captain Machine [in the background]:  My lord!

Jafar [messing with knobs]:  What is it now! 

Captain Machine:  Sinbad and his men are in the palace! 

Jafar:  Well, he mustn’t get in here!   I only need ten more minutes! 

Captain Machine:  Yes my lord!

[Jafar is doing something with the brain-machine, but it isn’t having much of an effect.  Outside, Sinbad’s men—now including Kira--are again making short work of the guards.]

[Sinbad stops one guard, who is rearing back to strike at Kira.]

Sinbad [to Kira]:  I’m crazy about you.

Kira:  Don’t forget Jafar!

Sinbad [surprised]:  Oh! 

[He releases the guard and Kira puts paid to him.]

[Some guards corner Nadir and the Bald Cook.  Nadir tries some magic words, but they don’t seem to work.  Sinbad comes up from behind and knocks out the guards.]

Sinbad [indicating Viking, Cantu and Kira]:  They’ll take care of the soldiers.  [To Bald Cook]  You take care of the monster.   And I’ll take care of Jafar!  [He runs off.]

Nadir: [gibberish, but including the word “Sinbad”]

Bald Cook:  We’ll take care of the soldiers…

Nadir [impatient gibberish, including “No, no” and “Sinbad”]

Bald Cook:  Ah!  We’ll take care of Jafar!

Nadir [even more impatient gibberish, but including “No, no” again]

Bald Cook:  Ahhh!  We’ll take care of the monster!

Nadir [agreeable gibberish] [They're pleased to have this task because there is no "monster."]

Narrator [Sinbad is running through the palace]:  Sinbad entered the palace, knowing that Jafar was at last within his grasp.  And now, he would let nothing stand in his way.  [He beats up a couple of guards on the way.]

Jafar [looking upon the fifth sacred gem]:  For the last time, I command you, in the name of aaaaaaallllll that is evil…budge!  Budge!! 

Alina [off screen]:  Sinbad!

Jafar (smug):  Don’t be so imbecilic, princess, that’s an old trick!

Sinbad [off screen]:  Here I am, Jafar!  Now we face each other, man to man!

Jafar (incredulous):  Man to man?   You are a man, Sinbad!   But I, am a supernatural being!   Against whom you are powerless! 

[He magics away Sinbad’s sword, then imprisons Sinbad in a cage of light beams.   Sinbad struggles against them, trying to pry them apart.]

Jafar:  Ha ha ha ha!

[Alina watches helplessly as Sinbad struggles, then he manages to free himself by breaking the light beams.  Alina becomes more and more pleased.  Jafar runs back to his lab.]

Jafar (sounding worried):  Sinbad, stay back! 

[Sinbad, seeing no reason for doing so, continues to advance.]

Jafar:  Don’t come any closer!  [Sinbad continues on.]  You heard me, Sinbad!  [Sinbad continues to advance.]  I’m warning you!  [Sinbad continues.]   You are forcing me to carry out my most devastating act of magical madness!  [He fires an energy bolt at the floor.]

[Sinbad looks bemused, then suddenly worried.  For there on the floor is his exact duplicate!  Only evil and controlled by Jafar.  Jafar snaps his fingers, and then he and the doppelganger speak in the same voice.]

Jafar and Evil Sinbad (slowly and carefully):  How does it feel to face yourself, Sinbad!  After I defeat you, I’ll be the most powerful force in the universe!  Ah, ha ha ha ha ha! 

Narrator:  Sinbad now faced the one force on earth that was his equal in battle.  For he faced himself.   Jafar has reproduced every muscle, every sinew, every powerful limb.  Sinbad’s enemy was his own strength, turned to the evil will of Jafar.  Each powerful combatant knew every thought, every strength, and every weakness of the other.  For the first time in his life, Sinbad felt his fierce confidence erode.  And this was enough to give the advantage to his demonic twin. 

[The two Sinbads grapple.  In the background, Jafar puppet-masters the evil one.]

Jafar:  Ha ha ha ha ha! [He then loses confidence.  But one Sinbad throws the other one down.]

Jafar:  Ah, ha ha ha! 

[The two Sinbads grapple some more, then the one with the nasty expression gets thrown into the lava pit by the one with the worried expression.]

Evil Sinbad:  Yargh!  [Sound of lava.]

[Jafar cowers.  Sinbad gets up to unleash some vengeance.  He holds out the collected sacred gems.]

Narrator:  And now the fearsome power of Jafar was gone.  [Jafar reaches for the gems, but seems to know he is too defeated and Sinbad won’t let him have them.]  For the sacred gems of Basra lay in the hands of goodness.  And it only remained for Sinbad to return them to their rightful setting for Alina to be freed, and the beauty of Basra reawakened. 

Sinbad [as he speaks each virtue, a gem is disappears from his hand and reappears in the gem holder]:  Justice.  Happiness.  Prosperity.  And peace. 

Narrator:  And so the power of the sacred gems of Basra was restored.  And all the evil that Jafar had done was undone.  [Alina easily frees herself from the brain machine, by moving her wrists just so.]

[Birds fly over the palace, and all the guards (except the killed ones) seem to awaken from their Jafar trance, and resume duty stations.]

Nadir:  Kira!

Kira:  Daddy! 

Bald Cook:  Ali!  Viking!  And my friends!

Caliph [coming out of his own sleep, he nods benevolently from his throne, then sees Sinbad and is delighted].  Sinbad!  My dear fellow!  [Sinbad appears with Jafar in tow and Alina behind.]

[Alina runs to Ali. They spin around in each other’s arms.]

Ali:  Oh!  Oh! 

Caliph:  Our hero! 

Everyone:  Sinbad!  Yay! 

Viking:  Sinbad!

Sukra:  Sinbad!  [Editor’s note:  Not a typo.  Sukra cheers Sinbad’s triumph.  She did say she wanted to be on the winning side…]

[Captain Machine also applauds.  Sinbad throws Jafar to the front of the stage.  Jafar attempts to keep his dignity.]

Caliph:  Ho ho!  [to Sinbad]  My dear fellow!  Welcome back!  [to Jafar].  Oh!  Jafar, my vizier.  Where have you been?  [Jafar smiles oilily.]  You know, there’s still a lot of unfinished state business to be done! 

Sinbad (smugly):  Oh, I forgot to tell you.  He decided to resign. 

Jafar (disbelieving):  Decided to resign?!

Sinbad:  Yes!  [He throws the throne switch which sends Jafar to the snake pit.]

Jafar [as he descends]:  Ohhhhh!

Jane:  And then?

Narrator:  And then…our story ends here.  The precious gems were found, the wrong was righted, and beautiful princess Alina married wonderful prince Ali.  And they lived happily forever and ever.  And Sinbad married his new love, Kira, and they also lived happily ever after.  Sweet dreams my little princess.  [Jane is asleep.  Mom turns out the light.]

[Back in Basra, there is a parade for all the weddings.  Kira and Sinbad walk through the applauding throngs.  They are followed by Alina and Ali.]

Town Crier:  Here they are!  Princess Alina and Prince Ali, married this morning! 

[More applause, and caliph waving a fan.]

Sinbad [to Kira]:  And now to our wonderful honeymoon!

[End credits.]

Afterward:  For most Italian genre films, one expects certain elements.  A reckless disregard for continuity (the heroes mentioning Sukra before she even shows up; Sinbad's pants or weapons), confusion about what is supposed to have happened or might happen (Alina hasn't been brought anywhere, Ali's fears to the contrary; what Jafar wants to accomplish is somewhat unclear), elements the film-makers hope we won't notice (Sukra and Machine cheering at the end), colorful but shoddy special effects (take your pick) and flat, uninvolved dubbing (wide choice here as well).  Other elements are a rather rote redundancy, an over-reliance on the tropes of certain film cliches without any of their substance, and an inevitable forgetability. 

Sinbad, as noted, has all of these things but the very last.   It's anything but forgetable.  It also has the unique distinction of anticipating many of the elements of Disney's animated version of Aladdin.   Jafar and the Caliph look almost exactly like their animated counterparts, and Sinbad usually sports Aladdin's purple pants.   More than likely it's all just coincidence; lawyers would be doing complex flips through the courts if 'twere otherwise. 

There's another shared element.  Robin Williams' performance as the genie in Aladdin was the one element which jumped out of the film and made it memorable for most people.  His rapid-fire delivery and endless one-liners made everyone else look almost like sleep-walkers.  If you took him out of the film, it wouldn't exactly collapse--there was still a lot to enjoy in Aladdin--but it wouldn't have the resonance that it has to this day.

Sinbad also has a performance at its center that raises it from forgotten Italian genre film to cinematic cousin to Plan Nine from Outer Space.  In other words, one of those films that can be enjoyed over and over, but not for the reasons the makers intended. 

Let's get this out of the way:  That performance is not given by Lou Ferrigno.  His performance as Sinbad is...well, limited.  He can look vaguely happy, vaguely angry, and he can sneer like someone who has been told his mother wears combat boots.  Whoever dubbed him also did him no favors.  Lines like "Gosh, you're sure beautiful," "Oh yeah, sure," and "No dice, huh?" would be difficult for an Orson Welles to invest with conviction in this drama.   The shade of Orson Welles may rest easily knowing he skipped this one.

No, the performance that elevates this film is that of John Steiner as Jafar, as well as whoever dubbed his voice.  (If it was Mr. Steiner himself who did his own dubbing...well, color my face awestruck.)  He delivers a performance that is so incredibly over the top that it defies criticism.   If hams like William Shatner, Richard Burton and others are like looking at bare 100-watt lightbulbs, Steiner here is like staring into the sun.  His performance, whether ranting or cooing, is constantly well over eleven; it's as if the director told him, "John, I need you to kick it up a notch because the camera is on the Moon" and John Steiner took that as his guideline.   It's honestly a wonder that he doesn't detonate in many of his scenes. 


This is definitely something that every "bad movie" fan should see.   The fact that you've just read the entire script won't make any difference; there's no way mere words could convey the experience of Sinbad of the Seven Seas.  It's like living in an insane person's fever-dream.  You'll never forget it.